Thursday, May 17, 2007

What to Say About Miscarriage

If you have a friend who is suffering or has suffered a miscarriage, you have a wonderful opportunity to minister to them! What can you say or do, though in such a painful situation? Here are my suggestions:

The best thing to say is: "How are you doing?" and then really listen. This will mean so much to her! You can ask this as many times as you see her for as long as you remember - she'll remember longer.

Some other great things to say:

"I'd like to bring you a meal. Would Thursday be good or is there another day that would help you more?"

"I'm so sad about the baby. I feel so sad not to get to know my grandchild (or niece or friend's child) yet." It helps so, so much to know others love your child, too.

"Can I give you a hand with the laundry? I'd love to come to your house to do it or just pick it up, either way!"

"I'm going to Wal-Mart, can I pick you up anything?"

"I'm going to the grocery store. Can I bring you some milk or other groceries? Do you have a list of what you need?"

"I've been thinking about you and praying for you."

"I'm praying for your whole family."

"I'm so sorry. I will be praying for you." Don't say I'm sorry again and again, though, because then she feels compelled to say, "It's okay," but it's not.

"Can I give your children a ride to..." Sometimes she just doesn't want to go out in public, maybe emotions are too near the surface. Sometimes she isn't physically able to go out in public.

"I had a miscarriage and I still think about my baby. I still cry sometimes, too." She may especially want to talk to someone likely to understand.

Some great things to do:

Send an email. It will likely be printed out and saved.

Send a card. These will be treasured as a physical connection to her baby.

Send flowers or a plant. Physical reminders of your love and her baby are such a blessing.

Make a meal.

Wash a load of laundry or cut the grass. When you are grieving, it is hard to get the basics of life taken care of - it's hard to care.

Buy or make her a memory box to put her things in. When my sister-in-law lost her firstborn son to stillbirth, the Lord enabled me to find her a beautiful blue victorian-looking box with cherubs and script saying, "How bright things are here..." She placed her little one's blankets and footprints and everything else she could in it and it is one of her most treasured belongings. Wish I could find one for myself now!

If she will be able to have a burial, buy or make her a white metal box to put the remains in.

Give her a hug whenever you see her.

Pray for her and her whole family whenever you remember.

Do something special for her and pray for her when her due date nears - that can be a very difficult time.

1 comment:

Kate said...

I have a question for you- I know everyone grieves differently- but, how much time should one expect to grieve over a miscarriage? and how long after the miscarriage is it ok to offer meals, shopping or any other of your suggestions to someone who is grieving?