Sunday, November 18, 2007

A Sore Toe

Have you ever felt like your emotions were a sore toe? Do you know how when you stub your toe really badly that your sore toe seems to find every corner and chair leg and lego in the house in the next week?

It has been a tough week, mainly through the innocent, though stupid, comments of others. Several times this week on meeting someone new, they asked about our family. When they heard we have six boys and one girl and that she was three, they "naturally" assumed, "You finally got that girl," like it was a relief that we didn't have to have any more children.

I have to admit that I couldn't stand it and said, "Actually we lost twins in the spring." Thankfully, folks said the right thing at that point, but it's still hard to have empty arms.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Someone's Missing

My very dh and I have noticed that when it is time for the Lord to give us another child, we always start feeling like someone is missing, especially when we look around to make sure all the children are with us.

Tonight dh came home from a business trip and we sat down as a complete family for the first time in three weeks. He and I both several times looked around, thinking everyone was not at the table yet - but, they were! We then looked at each other and I said, "Someone is missing."

This was really hard this summer, as my "child count" in my head was already messed up because of the twins, when our eldest left to spend the summer out of the country. All summer I felt like I wasn't entirely sure how many children I had, much less how many were supposed to be with me. Weird.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

November 14, 2007

Today was the due date of our twins.

How I wish they were here in my arms. As soon as I found out we were expecting twins, I had a picture in my mind of the two of them as newborns dressed in those little nightgowns lying on my bed next to the bedrail, curled together like spoons. My hand was across their chests and I could feel them breathing.

I know that will never happen, but I do know that I will see them again. I am so thankful that our Father sent Jesus Christ His Son to die for our sins. I am so thankful that I will one day be in heaven with my heavenly Father. And I am incredibly grateful that I will be together with my loved ones once again - the father who died when I was 14 and the little babies who preceeded me when I was 43.