Monday, April 30, 2007


I think that the most important sources of peace for me in the midst of this incredible heartbreak have been two facts:

My twins are together and they are in heaven! I know this because when David's infant son died, King David, the man after God's own heart said that he would join his child in heaven.

My twins were not cut down before their time, they lived every day that they were appointed to live. There is nothing I could have done to stop the miscarriage. I did nothing wrong. The doctors made no mistakes. These little ones were planned for heaven. They will never suffer, never be hurt, never cry from sorrow or fear. They are safe and cared for more tenderly than even I could ever do. I'm so glad they are okay. That whole Psalm is a comfort to me!

Now, make no mistake! I really, really miss our babies and I have cried and cried. I cry though, because I want them with me. I want to hold them and kiss them and raise them to see them become wonderful grown-ups as I have seen our other children. That can't be, so I mourn, but we don't mourn as those who have no hope.

Someone who wrote me after I asked for prayer about the miscarriage, reminded me of something that really helped me: It is okay to cry! Our Lord Jesus cried over the death of Lazarus, even though he knew that He would shortly raise him from the dead! Death is sorrowful, a tragedy, and it is proper to mourn. Let us never forget though, that death will not have the final victory!

Please, sisters, flee to Christ to wipe away your tears! It is the only hope to see our little ones again!

Miscarriage of Twins

I could not find any information about miscarriage of twins when I found out we had lost our second twin as well. The only story I heard was an email recieved from another MOMYS. She had miscarried twins and had passed tissue, thought that was it, then kept up some bleeding, and passed more tissue about a month later. She said she'd have done a D&C if she'd known it would be so prolonged.

A D&C was not an option for me - I have an incompentent cervix and I was afraid that forced dilation could make my cervix even worse, so I was determined to wait it out. If I'd known then what I know now, though, I'd have called my midwife friend to come to me as soon as I started bleeding heavily.

A few days after my miscarriage, in which I passed both babies about 30-40 minutes apart and bled extremely heavily needing medication to stop it, I had a talk with a different midwife. She said that she'd had a twin miscarriage as well. Her story was like my MOMYS friend - two episodes of tissue passage a few weeks apart. However, she said she'd had three cases of twin miscarriage in her practice. Coincidentally (?) those three mothers were the only cases of hemorraging in miscarriage she'd had in her practice as well.

This is all just observational, but if you are expecting multiples and miscarry, then you may want to call for help to stay with you immediately as soon as the heavier bleeding starts and make sure they have herbs or medicines to stop the bleeding if necessary.

BTW, I had no bleeding after the death of our first twin at 6 weeks. I had cramping the day before the ultrasound showing only one sac instead of the two we'd seen the week before. The cramping was not severe at all and stopped after a few hours. It did not affect my cervix. I understand from my midwife friends that you can have no bleeding/no cramping, bleeding/no cramping, cramping/no bleeding, passage of tissue or no passage of tissue if you miscarry one twin of a twin pregnancy.

When we miscarried finally, one of the babies (who died at 9-10 weeks) was in a complete sac and placenta, the other (who died at 5-6 weeks) had a broken sac and placenta. I am very glad we stayed at home and were able to see what our little ones had left behind when they went to heaven. It was so important to me to see clearly that there had been two of the precious little ones. We are planning to bury them at our family's lake house and I'm going to plant two trees there.

Miscarriage Supplies

One of the frustrating things I had to deal with when I recently miscarried my twins was that I couldn't find out what I should have available to make things easy when I miscarried at home naturally. Here's my suggested list:

A safe place to stay - A bathtub is a good one if you are concerned about saving the remains, also if you faint, you aren't going to fall and hit your head. Clean out your bathtub with disinfectant before you need it. You could also stay in your bed, but you will need to line it with plastic, towels or probably, best... chux pads.

Sanitary pads - Get big regular ones. This is how most health care providers will measure your blood loss.

Chux pads - or any other bed pad - look in the incontinence section of the drugstore (near the Depends :-). They are absorbent on one side and plastic on the other and are flat. These are great to keep down the mess and to sit or lay on. Don't use a towel to sit or lay on, because it can absorb a lot of blood making you not realize how much you are losing. Ask me how I know :-P It's more obvious on the Chux pad.

Wipes - These are good for a quick clean up of your hands or legs.

Paper towels - Two rolls, to help clean up with.

A small bowl - to save the remains of your precious one. I think you'll be glad you did. I did not find this at all disturbing, but rather it gave me comfort to know I wasn't grieving over nothing and to be able to say goodbye.

A cup to drink from and it might be a good idea to have some gatorade or other electrolyte drink to keep you hydrated.

HemHalt - or other remedy to help stop excessive bleeding

A measuring spoon for medication

A camera - I know that doesn't sound appealing right now, but there may come a time when you can't remember and wish you could. (Hat tip to Erin)

A phone to call for help

*Someone who will come stay with you! This is critical. Everything should go smoothly, but if you were to faint, you can't very well get help yourself.

*Someone who you can call to help in an emergency - your doctor or 911 or best of all, a local midwife who can come and give you objective assessment and help.

**If you have had excessive bleeding in the past, or if you are expecting multiples, you probably ought to ask a midwife to come stay with you the whole time, as you may bleed heavier than others.

Hope that helps,

Please come in!

I am so sorry that you need to be here, but I hope that you will find the help, information and encouragement you need. I created this blog because I could not find the information I needed online to manage in the miscarriage of our twins recently. I hope to gather here the information, links, and encouragement that will help you to survive this devastating event in your life.

Much love,