Monday, June 30, 2008

New Hope and Fear

Well, after quite a few months of wondering if I had reached that certain age, I've found out that we are expecting again. Pregnancy has always been a time of concern, even fear, due to my many pregnancy problems (incompetent cervix, gestational diabetes, preterm labor, low progesterone, etc), but this is a new feeling. Losing the twins last year has made me afraid to look forward to the future.

We have always told our children right away that we were expecting because we have to start getting ready right away! Now when we talk to the children about the baby, I wonder if we will soon be talking about grief. I wonder how much they will be hurt. I don't like this. I don't like the lost innocence of no longer assuming that one day we'll have a baby from this pregnancy.

I refuse to succumb to the temptation to wait and see before we tell anyone. I know that if we do lose another baby, it will be very hard to talk to everyone about it, but I also know that our baby deserves to be acknowledged, deserves to be known. Perhaps our love for our children, whether here with us or in heaven will encourage others to value life and to welcome children.

Perfect love casts out fear. Dear Heavenly Father, give me rest and peace in your perfect will and perfect love. Please take care of this little one and allow us to raise it if it is your will. In Christ's Name, Amen.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Long Term Bleeding After Miscarriage

I really thought I had posted this when I figured it out last year, but when I went looking for it, I couldn't find it. As those of you who've been reading this blog know, I had bleeding for a *long* time after my miscarriage of twins last year. Weeks and weeks. I would bleed for awhile, then it would taper off and stop for several days, then start again. It was extremely frustrating!

Finally a reader of this blog wrote me and suggested that I look at the pattern of breaks and when it restarted and sure enough, each restart was exactly 26 days apart - I was not continuing to bleed with a few breaks, but my cycle had reestablished itself, but the time of bleeding in each cycle was extremely long and the cycles short. I wish I had realized this sooner because I wonder if there is something I could have done to regulate my hormones (herbs or something) and shorten that bleeding that was keeping me worn out. By August, my cycles were more normal.

I hope this will encourage someone else to check the pattern when she seems to be bleeding for weeks and weeks. I pray for those who are reading this blog that our Lord would hold you in His arms and heal you.