Monday, June 30, 2008

New Hope and Fear

Well, after quite a few months of wondering if I had reached that certain age, I've found out that we are expecting again. Pregnancy has always been a time of concern, even fear, due to my many pregnancy problems (incompetent cervix, gestational diabetes, preterm labor, low progesterone, etc), but this is a new feeling. Losing the twins last year has made me afraid to look forward to the future.

We have always told our children right away that we were expecting because we have to start getting ready right away! Now when we talk to the children about the baby, I wonder if we will soon be talking about grief. I wonder how much they will be hurt. I don't like this. I don't like the lost innocence of no longer assuming that one day we'll have a baby from this pregnancy.

I refuse to succumb to the temptation to wait and see before we tell anyone. I know that if we do lose another baby, it will be very hard to talk to everyone about it, but I also know that our baby deserves to be acknowledged, deserves to be known. Perhaps our love for our children, whether here with us or in heaven will encourage others to value life and to welcome children.

Perfect love casts out fear. Dear Heavenly Father, give me rest and peace in your perfect will and perfect love. Please take care of this little one and allow us to raise it if it is your will. In Christ's Name, Amen.


Deedee said...

I know these feeling soooo well! We too chose to tell people early anyway, time and time again. Unfortunately people often seemed more upset at being told.(???)

I'm praying for you, that God willing you will be able to hold this child in your arms one day and tell them all about their 'angel siblings'. (((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

Dear Melanie, well my RSS reader says this was just posted two days ago but the date on the blog says it was from June of I hope I have not missed too much of your pregnancy. I am ecstatic to read that you are expecting and will be praying for the Lord to give you contenment and peace throughout this pregnancy. It is not easy and I found myself several times committing this pregnancy to the Lord and surrendering my desires. Congratulations!!!
Melissa D. SC