Monday, May 14, 2007

Lessons Learned - Things I'd Do Differently

Writing the story of my miscarriage made me think of a whole host of things I'd do differently, or lessons I'd learned. I thought it might help someone else avoid some mistakes:

Don't go out of town or let your dear husband go out of town if you are waiting on a miscarriage!

If you start the active part of a miscarriage and you are alone or just with your children, call another woman to come stay with you until your husband or midwife can get there. You don't need privacy as much as you need safety.

Make sure someone stays in the room with you - if they have to leave the room, they shouldn't leave earshot.

If you have a feeling you need help, get it. If you think you might need the midwife to come, ask her to - don't wait for her to volunteer.

Don't sit or lay on a towel - especially a dark colored one! - if you can help it. It is easy to underestimate how much you are bleeding if you can't see it. Chux pads are a better choice.

Don't despair, thinking this is going to take forever, or mar your life, or take away your joy. If you have Christ, you can know for sure, that he has come:

3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of
heaviness; That they may be called trees of
righteousness, The planting of the LORD,
that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Melanie. I recently had my first miscarriage, and while it's been so, so sad, I've been amazed by God's grace in making this tragedy infinitely less traumatic than it could have been. Several of the good choices that I made were impulsive and "by chance" and I feel so loved by the Lord that he orchestrated them. I'd love to share 2 of the the more concrete things that may be helpful for someone who stumbles onto your blog.

1. Find a healthcare provider who listens to you. The appointment where they did the ultrasound and discovered that my baby had died was my FIRST appointment with a new caregiver! It's a long story, but if I had received this news with (one of) my previous (8) OBs, it would have been infinitely more traumatic. It takes courage to stand up for yourself and find someone new (I was 11 weeks), but you don't want impersonal-assembly-line-style-care when you are facing this kind of loss. Big practices are the norm, now, but it's worth looking for more personal care. Trust your gut and take courage!

2. Take a shower. The morning that I finally miscarried (1.5 weeks later), I woke up around 5am in a lot of pain. I would have 30 seconds or so of intense cramping and then it would die off for 30 seconds. I'd remembered reading in natural childbirth books that hot water can relieve pain, so I decided to take a shower. It was there that I delivered my baby. I was able to "catch" the tissue as I passed it, and it felt very sacred and humane. When I finished, I sat on the shower floor for a while and cried. When I was ready I washed, dried off, and got dressed. It was a very healing and cleansing time.