Saturday, January 19, 2008

Christmas Joy and Tears

We were so blessed this Christmas. We are having a very difficult time financially and my dear brother stepped into the gap and provided many wonderful gifts for our children. It was a very confusing time for me. I was so happy to see my children's dreams fulfilled, yet I couldn't help remembering that we could have been holding our twins.

The hardest time for me was late in the day when we were helping the children put together their toys. My little princess, our only girl, received twin baby dolls and a whole set of equipment for them - a twin stroller, twin high chair, twin cradle and more. The set was precious, but oh, was it hard to put together. When Hal and I were sitting there screwing it all together, it suddenly came over me how dear it would be to be putting these twin things together if we had the twins with us. I just lost it. Not upset at the toys, but instead sorrowful that we didn't have that. I had so been looking forward to our little girl playing with her twin dolls while I took care of our twins.

I really understood for the first time how difficult holidays can be. It reminded me of the first Thanksgiving and Christmas after my father died when I was fourteen. This Christmas, through my tears, the Father reminded me that He knew what it was like to lose a child to death and He would bring me through it, yet we were not to grieve as those who have no hope. I will not let bitterness have a place in my life. I will chose to rejoice in the reunion to come. May we have Merry Christmases that do not depend on the absence of sorrow, but instead are all the sweeter as we remember that this is why the Savior was born - to take the sting from death - Oh grave where is thy victory?????? He is risen, and so will we be one day!


Anonymous said...

Dear Melanie,
I think this Christmas very emotional for many of us this year. So much heartache over the loss of all our babies. I will be joining you in prayer that in years to come the holidays will not be so sorrowful.
God Bless,
Melissa D. SC

Deedee said...

Dear Melanie! I understand how hard it is. We actually lost one of our babies on Christmas Day itself. It is always bitter sweet to me now! This past week we had the farwell party for our foster son on the very day that we lost another of our babies, and that is the same day that my MIL died too! Talk about your emotionally charged day!! LOL! But God is faithfull and He carried us through - not by the skin of our teeth but VICTORIOUSLY!! Let the tears flow when they come, they are healing as they flow. I'm four years on from the last few miscarriages we had and I am amazed at the healing God has done in me. Like a song we sang yesterday in church 'You've changed me from a hopeless case to a child that is free. Free to praise you.' That is my testimony this week! May you know it as your testimony too. (((HUGS)))