Thursday, June 28, 2012

Bittersweet Memories

I think we all wonder if we'll ever feel happy and carefree again when we're going through a miscarriage. I just moderated and answered a few comments on this blog and for some reason went back and read the first few posts when I shared our own story. Yes, I got tears in my eyes. Yes, it makes heaven so precious. But, the grief is no longer overwhelming or even really painful. I remember, I long to see our little ones, but I'm okay now. And you'll be okay, too. Really. {{{hugs}}}

18 comments:

Melissa H said...

The day you posted this, I had found out my twins no longer lived. Three days in now, I feel lifeless and hopeless. You and the others here are the only hope I have to cling to. Please pray for me. When they did my d&c I wish they had taken my heart.

Melanie said...

Oh Melissa, I am so sorry! It is so hard to lose a child!

I wish I could give you a hug and pray with you -- make you a cup of hot tea and sit and talk with you. I can't, but I know God the Father is there. He knows what it is like to lose a Child. He understands your pain. Throw yourself in His arms, on His mercy, and experience His love, forgiveness, understanding and healing.

Our hope is in heaven -- we will see our children again!

Much love,
Melanie

BabyMama said...

Thank you so much for this blog. One of my twins has died and I am now supposed to be 8 or 9 weeks pregnant, but am having light bleeding, the ultrasound couldn't find a heartbeat and the amniotic sac was an irregular shape! I am so devastated at the loss of my child Jean Marie and am terrified that Julian Marie is going to join his or her brother/sister. But this blog has been a great comfort to me. There is little help online for those who miscarry twins or are afraid they may be miscarrying twins, and especially for a Christian. Thank you for doing this.

Melanie said...

Oh Baby Mama, I am so sorry you are going through this! I'm going to pray for you right now. Please let us know how you are!

Much love,
Melanie

Dorthy Packer said...

Thank you so much for these blog posts. I love ready each and every post and comment made. My sister just recently experienced a miscarriage and she still hasn't recovered. I know that many women feel this way after a miscarriage but I'm starting to worry about her. Are there any medical treatment options that she should take? Thank you for your help.

Mattsmom said...

I didn't lose twins, but I lost two within six months. Ten days after my 16 week baby passed, and I hemorhaged until my husband called for an ambulance, followed by emergency surgery to save my life I don't feel like it will be ok. I don't know how I am breathing around the hole in my chest. I do appreciate your site though. I tested anemic today and I plan to follow your recovery method. I can barely stand up. This is torture.

Anonymous said...

Hello! I am a sophomore in high school, and for a health project I am researching what the emotional affects the loss of a child through miscarriage could have on the mother. I chose to do this because my mother lost two children through miscarriage. How did you feel after this loss? Do you feel you have healed? If yes, how so? Thanks!

Soph said...

I lost my 15 week old baby 5 weeks ago. It was a horrible experience but thought we were getting on with things (as best as possible). Now I just found my sister in law is pregnant after trying for some time and I can't help but feel devastated as it brings back all the feelings of loss and devastation. I also feel guilty about feeling this way, I know how a special time it is. And when we announced the news to her I know she knows this feeling all to well as I could see in her eyes that she wished it was her. She never did say anything to me when I miscarried and I still feel bitter about that. I love her dearly and so happy for their baby joy I just thought this would get easier as time went on. On top of my own upset I feel so guilty not being able to be happy for them like I know I should be.

Melanie said...

Oh Soph, I am so, so sorry! Losing a baby is always hard, but losing one that late is just devastating! May the Lord wrap His arms tight around you!

Try to remember that your SIL really didn't understand when she heard about your miscarriage. I don't think you can really get how painful it might be until you've had a child, and ultimately until you've lost one. It's just ignorance and probably embarassment, too.

I wrote a couple of blog posts about the bitterness that so tempts us through the pregnancies of others. They might help a little bit: http://hopeinmiscarriage.blogspot.com/2007/06/danger-of-bitterness.html http://hopeinmiscarriage.blogspot.com/2008/10/resisting-bitterness.html

May the Lord strengthen you to have joy in the upcoming birth of your niece or nephew!

{{{HUGS}}}

Much love,
Melanie

Melanie said...

Dear high school friend,

I am so sorry I didn't see this earlier. Miscarriage is indeed hard, and the feelings of grief and sadness can be overwhelming. For the Christian, though, the hope of seeing our children in heaven and trust in the Lord to do what is right helps us so much. It has now been several years since we lost our twins and yes, I do consider myself healed, though will never forget or stop loving my children. I hope that helps, Melanie

Melanie said...

Dorthy,

Thank you so much for your concern for your sister. I apologize for not seeing your comment earlier - my email program had put the notification in the spam folder - go figure!

It does take a long time to heal from miscarriage -- often months physically and longer than that emotionally. Keep loving your sister and praying for her. You might want to check out the post "What to Say About Miscarriage" for help.

Much love,
Melanie

Melanie said...

Dear Mattsmom,

I am so sorry I didn't see your comment until now -- my email put the notification in the spam folder.

It is soooo hard, both physically and emotionally and to have lost two babies so close and one so late. Man! How hard! I wish I could bring you a meal and give you a hug. Instead, I'll pray that someone would.

May the Lord heal you, comfort you and strengthen you -- I know just what you mean about being barely able to stand up!

Much love,
Melanie

Melanie said...

Bekah,

I suspect the headaches might be caused by dehydration or by just not enough oxygen to the brain due to blood loss. I hope you are feeling better now. {{{hugs}}}

I'm so sorry you lost your little one!

Much love,
Melanie

Addy said...

I just want to say thank-you for this blog. Everything you have said on here is what I feel. I really appreciate your christian point of view, it has helped me cope with this in a more meaningful and productive way. I wish my family had all read the 'what to say/do for someone who has had a miscarriage,' it has felt like nearly everyone says the wrong thing... the silence, the "God's will", the "you wouldn't have wanted a sick child," the "you will have another..." I know they don't know what they are saying because they haven't been there, but its hard to not be angry at how insensitive they are. The part that makes me the most angry is that it seems like people just expect you to go on and never acknowledge that person that changed my life and who made me want to be a mom more than I ever wanted anything. But to the rest of the world I am not a mom because I don't have a baby to hold in my arms on earth, that is hard to accept. I am having a lot of trouble not being envious, and I feel angry and bitter and cheated, please pray for me. I know that our feelings are natural and real but that they are also wrong, and that we shouldn't base our actions on them; I don't want to feel that way anymore. I was 12 weeks 6days weeks when my DH and I found out our baby had gone to heaven 4 weeks earlier at 9 weeks. I had a d&c the next day, New Years Day; our holidays were effectively ruined. When I read about your husband crying in the washroom, it made me cry because mine did the same. And all though I didn't have the words to describe it as well as you did, it was so nice to be in grief with someone else who wanted that baby as much as I did and who had made all those plans and dreams. Also if I may ask, where you able to tell the gender of your babies after your natural miscarriage. Because I had a d&c, we never found out. I noticed that you named them in your memorial. We always called our baby 'Baby Duck.'
Thanks once again, I know I will frequent this site again when my heart starts hurting too much again.
Addy

Melanie said...

Dear Addy,

I am so thankful this blog has been an encouragement to you. I couldn't find anything at all with the right tone online when we lost our twins, so I felt like putting this up might be a way to help others.

I had my miscarriage at home, and it looked like they might be boys - and we have six boys to (at that time) one girl (now two) so the likelihood was pretty good.

I think the important thing is to just remember that you ARE a mother and your husband IS a father and that one day we will all be together again in heaven.

Resist bitterness with everything you can. Every time a thought comes, pray, pray, pray. Pray for help, pray for children, pray for peace. If you turn to the Lord everytime those wrong thoughts come, you'll soon not be tempted with them. :-)

Wish I could give you a hug, my friend!

Much love,
Melanie

Kimberly said...

I don't know if you'll see this comment, it looks like the blog hasn't been written on in a while but I just wanted to say thank you so much for creating it. I haven't lost twins but I'm going through a miscarriage right now. We learned through an ultrasound three days ago that there is no heartbeat, now I feel like I'm just waiting for my body to finish what it's started. I haven't completely miscarried yet and while we chose not to have a d&c immediately the waiting is starting to kill me. Even though I knew before this happened that there were plenty of other people out there who suffer miscarriages when I found out it was happening to me I felt so alone. Thank you for this blog that helps me know there are other people out there who feel the same as I do. And thank you for all the detailed information, it helps a lot as every little thing that happens to me I wonder if it's normal or not. Thank you.

Emily said...

Hi Melanie, I just found your site....I am pretty sure I just experience my third miscarriage in the last year and a half or so....they have all been such early miscarriages, but somehow that doesn't take away the pain. I have to say though....I am loving reading about how the Lord has healed your heart AND given you eight children whom you homeschool! Oh, how I LONG to be a mama...and I plan to homeschool the little ones that God will soon give me (by faith!!) as well. =) I am encouraged to hear from a woman who HAS healed from her miscarriages....so many say that the pain never goes away. I can't reconcile that with the wonderful healing that my Jesus offers....don't get me wrong - my miscarriages are the HARDEST thing I have ever been through. But the Lord has worked SO much healing in my heart....He has helped me trust Him more implicitly than I ever thought possible....so that this miscarriage is strangely not incapacitating like my last one.....God DOES bring healing.
And He is SO GOOD.
ALL THE TIME.

Melanie said...

Emily, I am so sorry about all your losses. It IS hard, horribly hard, but God is faithful. I'm praying he'll bless you with children soon. {{{hugs}}}

Much love,
Melanie