Resisting Bitterness

One of the reasons I started this site is that the vast, vast majority of what I found when I googled miscarriage was absolutely saturated with bitterness and anger. I was reminded of that recently on one of my favorite forums when a grieving mother just poured out her hostility toward a pregnant relative. I do understand. It is so hard to watch those who have what you want so desperately and don't seem to even appreciate it. However, I am convinced that bitterness and jealousy just hurts us even more than we have already been hurt.

First of all, jealousy is a sin. I know. We have all been taught that birth control is so important, that you can get pregnant so easily, and now... we have empty arms. It seems like it's a right to have a family, to hold a child and it makes us angry to lose one instead. And then to look at all those for whom it seems so easy... it's hard not to be jealous. However, something being natural doesn't make it right. We are naturally sinners and jealousy is natural, yet the Ten Commandments say:

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Including your neighbor's easy pregnancy or baby. Likewise, bitterness is not appropriate for a Christian:

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice."

And so, if we examine our hearts and repent of all jealousy and bitterness, why is it still so hard to see little ones the ages of the ones we miss? Because we remember and we wish and our loss is renewed. I am crying writing this because I so wish our twins were here. Is that wrong? No. Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus even though he knew Lazarus would be raised from the dead - right away. Death is our enemy and a result of the curse of sin. It is appropriate to grieve. It is not appropriate to grieve as those who have no hope.

Only those who do not understand the Sovereignty and Mercy of God have an excuse for bitterness and jealousy. Our Father knows our grief and loves us. Our children will be raised from the dead. We will see them again. Let's not give way to the sinful emotions of jealousy and bitterness. Our sin causes a separation between us and God and really, we need to be close to Him in this time of grief far more than we need to give way.