Is there a reason to wait on a D&C?

Around here, the typical scenario is to recommend an immediate D&C if ultrasound shows no heartbeat. (Thank you, Dr. Marzbani for not doing that!). I am very concerned about women rushing to D&C, though, because it leaves no room for errors in ultrasound interpretion, weird uterine structure that hides the baby, a late conception and other reasons an inevitable miscarriage can be misdiagnosed even by a very good doctor.

In searching for more information about that, I found a great site that you ought to visit before you schedule a D&C: The Misdiagnosed Miscarriage Site That way, if you do have a miscarriage, you won't have any regrets. There is a very good forum with lots of helpful information about the different options.

Miscarriage Bracelet

I am wearing the lovely bracelet that Holly gave me today and I thought I'd better give you a link in case you might want one or want to give someone one. Here's the website of the lady who made it: The Little Footprints. She also has a ebay store and you might be able to find one at a great price. Mine has two precious feet to represent the twins, the birthstones for their conception month and due date month, and seven pearls to represent my seven living children. Honestly, I'll try to get a picture up here soon!

The Still Bleeding Blues

Just when I think that maybe, possibly the physical part of this is done, something else happens. I thought we were done with the bleeding last Monday but it started spotting again on Saturday. I think I'm just overdoing it, but for crying out loud, I've just got too much to do to not to keep moving some! I'm speaking three times at the NCHE Conference this weekend, my eldest is leaving for a summer in China in a couple of weeks, the a/c has just died at our house ($1000 for a new compressor, $4000 to replace the 20+ year old, constantly breaking unit, neither of which we have available), and if I don't at least supervise, nothing much gets done by the children. Arrrrgggghhhh.

All that to say, that the most comprehensive explanation of the recovery after a miscarriage I have read is at Facts About Miscarriage It's a little weak on natural miscarriage, there's more info about D&C, but there's more information there than I've seen anywhere else. It's very comforting to read the wide range of experiences that other women have had and to have an idea of what's normal and what needs follow-up.

I'd really appreciate your prayers this week, as I have no idea how I'm going to manage at conference - it makes my heart beat out of my chest to walk up the stairs =:-O

Love you all!
Melanie

Need to Talk? Need to Listen?

When I found out we were facing an inevitable miscarriage, I was desperate for information. I'm a control freak and I feel like I can handle most anything as long as I know what to expect. Well, miscarriage isn't like that, but that's another story. I did find some message boards that were active - my main criteria - because if you are facing a miscarriage anyday now, you can't wait til next month for an answer to your question. Here are some I'd recommend:

Facts About Miscarriage Forums This is one of the most active out there, with many posts every day.

Silent Grief Forums These are detailed, supportive forums that are pretty active. I liked that it had separate forums for all sorts of situations.

There are some others I'm thinking about adding that I got good information from, but some aren't very active (and it can hurt when you don't get a response to your posting and you are in no mood for more hurt) and some are just kind of brutal emotionally. As believers, Hal and I remember that we do not grieve as those who have no hope, and sometimes witnessing the full-blown grief of those who are indeed without hope is very hard to bear. The above boards have both kinds certainly, but the tone is okay in most cases.

Most Helpful Thing

I posted a prayer request on MOMYS when I found out our second twin had died. Right away, Rebekah, one of the MOMYS, emailed and asked if she could send me a book a friend of hers had written about miscarriage. Providentially, the book arrived two days after the miscarriage when I woke up thinking, "I need to write all this down."

Teardrop Diary by Erin McSparron is a journal for your journey in grief and healing. Erin wrote it following her own miscarriage and it is a tender, tasteful, and encouraging help to record your thoughts and feelings. Pages of Erin's poetry and encouragement are alternated with pages for journaling. Journal pages are lined and each is headed with a Bible verse about grief, sorrow, hope, healing, or providence. The verses are incredibly well chosen. Erin's poetry is right on target in hitting the feelings and tenderness of this time. Some are unpolished, or not quite on meter, but I don't think that in anyway lessens their value for helping you to express your feelings.

I felt an urgent need to record everything I could about our brief time with the twins. I especially wanted to record the happy times - the surge of joy I felt when I saw we were expecting twins - how fun it was to tell Hal. I wanted to record the things the Lord did to show me His love and care during our trial - the hymns our church sang the first Sunday after the first twin died - the food and messages everyone sent. I wanted to record what happened physically, so that I could look back at it later and try to understand. I even wanted to record our sorrow and grief, because these memories would be all we had until we met our twins in heaven. This book made all of this easy. Thank you Erin and thank you, Rebekah!

Kristi's Story & Her Good Advice, Too

My friend Kristi is not only a midwife and mother of many, but is also a survivor of twin miscarriage and early twin loss. She and I had a long visit just a few days after I lost our twins and our conversation really blessed me. Read Kristi's story and then be sure to click on the pdf's at the bottom for her good advice. To read her story, go to her website, click on Midwifery, then on Early Loss.