How Are You?

I think "How are you?" was the most hated phrase I heard after I lost our twins, but only when it was asked by folks who didn't know yet. How are you supposed to answer that? "I feel wretched. You see, I just had a miscarriage," is a real conversational bomb to drop on someone just trying to be friendly. I didn't feel right answering, "Fine, and you?", though, because I was definitely not fine, not remotely, and I'm a literal kind of girl. It's amazing how stressful those things you never even thought about before can be when you are grieving, isn't it?

Now, someone who knew the whole story and asked, "How are you?" really helped because they showed they cared; that I wasn't all alone in my grief. God is so good to give us friends who ask after us and just listen. I'm thankful for those questions!

So, what do you do? I suggest ignoring it and saying, "How are you? It's good to see you." You'll know if it is time to share by their response. If they stop and talk and show more interest in your life, by all means share, but an ambiguous response will keep you from dragging your feelings out when you just want to get through the line and check out.

Understanding the Heart of the Father

I recently read on the Cole's Foundation website as Cole's father described how seeing his child suffer helped him for the first time to really understand what God the Father went through for our salvation. He had the power, the ability to instantly stop the suffering of His Son, Jesus Christ, yet he didn't. He watched His Son suffer for people who didn't even deserve it - us, sinners, not even innocent. I think when you lose a child, whether you have to watch them suffer or not, you understand to a degree how much God the Father loves us. It is humbling and amazing to realize that we love Him because He first loved us.

May your grief lead you to a closer relationship to the One who holds the keys to heaven. May you one day be reunited forever in heaven with your beloved child!

Hope Becomes Reality

I just wanted to let you know that the little babe I told you we were expecting in "New Hope and Fear" has arrived. Katherine is a gorgeous little dear who is comforting her mama's grieving heart. Her heart, however, has an electrical problem and we have been in and out of the PICU for the last month. It is a random thing to happen - has no connection with our family history or my age - for which I am thankful. I would greatly appreciate your prayers for her. Her carepage is the best place to see what is going on.